October 31, 2010

Halloween will be here in a few short minutes. It's about 11:40 as I write this and I'm incredibly disappointed in my television viewing choices for this evening. Watched Hilary Swank in "Amelia". One of my other options was "Titanic" for the umpteenth time. Where are the scary or semi-scary movies?

Where are all the Draculas and their daughters? Where are the Frankensteins and their brides?Where are Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price and Christopher Plummer and Lon Chaney? Where is Hitchcock? Where is Murnau? Where ARE they?

They, my friends, have been replaced by brooding Bella Swan and her sparkling vampires. Incredibly, not even they are on t.v. tonight. The only vaguely-Halloween thing on is something starring Bette Midler. Seriously. And the scariest things I've seen for weeks have been campaign commercials.

Now, I know there's yet another installment of the Saw franchise out there, in 3D no less, but that's not what we want, is it? We want suspense. We want fear. We want something that isn't just gross for the sake of being gross.

Wasn't that the appeal of "Blair Witch"? We never actually saw the witch. We just saw a bunch of kids in the woods who'd gotten the crap scared out of them. And the classics like "Dracula's Daughter" relied not on gore but on long pauses and deep shadows to set the viewer on edge. Hollywood, are you listening? We're not all 14-year old boys. Nor are we all 14-year old girls. Keep your sparkly vampires and your crazy clown things to yourself.

Unless it's Pennywise from "It". We'll keep him. But we'll read the book instead of trying to stay awake through the four-hour miniseries with John Boy from the Waltons and a kid I went to high school with. I wonder if they still get residuals.

Anyway.

This has turned out to be a fairly complete October. I acquired some fresh cider from a local producer, went to a pumpkin patch, decorated a pumpkin, wore an awesome costume for almost an entire day, ate a big pile of caramel and have had the opportunity to reconnect with some friends I haven't chatted with since last October. I've even managed to spend a little time with a Druid and a couple pagans and got myself invited to a Samhain ritual. I know, right? Shocking to some of you. Not sure if I'll go, but the invitation included info about a vegan/vegetarian potluck. I do like a good potluck, but what does one wear to such a thing?

I was reminded over and over of things from my childhood: Elvira and Vincent Price, the voices of Halloween, of the Frankenstein coatrack that I avoided for years, of a series of orange plastic pumpkins used to tote trick-or-treat candy home. I was reminded of costumes of years past, mine and those of my friends and family, including my mom's collection of witch costumes over the years. I was reminded that we were gluing plastic spiders to our faces long before Martha ever considered doing such a thing.

And I'm reminded of the magic and mystery that surrounds Halloween. It's been said a million times that this is when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest, when the profane becomes the mundane, when we may be offered a glimpse at what came before and, quite possibly, what lies ahead.

Thanks for coming along on another October journey. You're all what makes October well, October for me.

Cheers.

October 30, 2010

I sent most of the day wearing a green wig and night elf ears. And purple fuzzy boots and tiger-striped leggings and a red tabbard and a purple cape.

I had a good time with it, those silly ears and that silly wig and the spectacular costume my mom worked so hard on, feathered shoulder pieces and all. But it wore me out. I'm exhausted. My real ears hurt. My real hair is a hot mess. I'm still wearing the boots mainly because it seems like so much trouble to try to take them off. I'm just not good at costuming.

I am, however, very good at eating candy and decorating pumpkins. I'm not sure where these talents came from. Other people can play the violin or carve things from deer antlers or run really fast. I can decorate a pumpkin like nobody's business.

Anyway.

I had a conversation yesterday with someone I don't particularly care for. He's a vendor at the hotel and I see him nearly everyday. And nearly everyday, I find some reason that would justify my strangling him with my bare hands. But yesterday, in the inclusive spirit of October, I had an actual conversation with him.

And he told me, in not so many words, that he's a sort of medium. He can read people. He can easily identify other mediums and reach out to them with his mind. If he'd told me this in, say, April, it would have confirmed what I've believed for nearly a dozen years: he's a real whack-job.

But he didn't tell me in April. He told me in October. Somehow, this makes it more believable. So, yes, I believe him. He told me he didn't grow up with this gift, but after a near-death experience when he was in the military, he realized something was different.

Well, of course he did. He came near to the borderlands between the worlds. He was close to crossing over. That changes people. He came back with a gift. I'm not sure how useful it is to him, but it's still a gift.

He told me a story of going to a psychic fair with some friends of his who wanted to test him out. He knew immediately which of the psychics there was most powerful and focused on her. She was in the middle of a reading with someone else, he wasn't even near her. But when he focused on her, her head popped up and she nearly knocked her chair over getting to her feet. She marched over to him. "You!," she pointed a finger at him. "You have a gift and you're not using it properly!"

Regardless of what our talents are, we should all ask ourselves if she would call us out the same way. Are we using our talents properly? Are we even able to identify what our talents are?

October 29, 2010

Okay, so at the last possible minute, my workplace decided that we will, in fact, be holding a pumpkin decorating contest.

Poop.

I'm ill-prepared. I had an idea months ago but can't possibly pull it together in time for a noon judging - TOMORROW. This could get very ugly.

I know I can put something together, but I doubt that the quality will be to my usual pumpkin decorating standards. I mean, how do you follow the infamous Phyllis Diller pumpkin? You have to be better and better each year. Feathers and sequins, people.

And rumor has it that the maintenance department has already wired theirs for electricity. I'm not kidding.

So, sometime tomorrow morning when I should be working, I'll drag our my bag of rhinestones and glitter and see what kind of magic I can work. That's just what I do.

And I will remember that the jack-o-lantern was once a turnip, not a pumpkin, that held an ember from the Flames of Hell - the only light poor Stingy Jack would have to navigate an eternity on Earth, for he had tricked the Devil into not taking his soul, but was too much of a sinner to be let into Heaven. Man, we have some complicated Halloween lore, don't we?

October 28, 2010

So, my friend Sarah downloaded a bunch of Christmas music for her iPod today. She's ready to move on.

But we have a couple more days before we leave October behind. And about three weeks worth of October-ness that we haven't yet covered.

Does it seem to anyone else that there's more creepiness this year than there has been in the past? Everywhere I turn, some other creepy thing happens. For those of you on Facebook, the evidence of this is posted there - the giant knife, the pile of wheat. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough to get a picture of the guy with the chainsaw at school tonight.

I think, with Halloween looming on the horizon, maybe I'm just more open to seeing, identifying and pointing out the creepy in the mundane.

One of my bosses received a balloon arrangement today that scared the hell out of me. I'm hoping it deflates before I go in tomorrow. I know it's just a few balloons lashed together, but I don't want to be in the same room with it.

What's creepy in your world?

October 27, 2010

The end days of October are filled with monsters. They're everywhere. This is the point at which we normally talk about vampires and werewolves but, thanks to Stephanie Meyer and the entire Mass Media World, I'm kinda over them.

What I've been thinking about for the last week or so is the zombie. Unfortunately, I missed the ZombieWalk last weekend here in Portland. And there was a headline on OregonLive about the students at U-Dub playing some sort of zombie-tag between classes. There seems to be a real resurgence of zombie activity so I want you all to be prepared. Pretty mush all I know about protecting oneself from zombies is to keep salt around. Throw the salt on the ground and the zombie will stop chasing you and start counting the grains of salt - hopefully long enough for you to get away. That's all I got, kids.

Thankfully, my friend Sean had some spare time whilst serving his country and wrote the following, which I've stolen and reposted here for the good of the group. With apologies to Sean, I've taken the liberty of editing a bit for our decidedly mixed audience.

Be prepared:

If zombies were polite enough to come at you one at a time and waited while you changed magazines, killing them wouldn't require much thought. Unfortunately, they simply lack the higher thought processes required to contemplate things like the Law Of Armed Conflict. However, the Geneva Convention says nothing about eating your enemy so maybe they do have the law on their side.

We respectfully submit that the perfect zombie-killing weapon is something that kills them while they are way the F over THERE. Artillery is always your best option. If you happened to be so armed, APERS rounds are a good choice. Next in line would be an HE round with an air burst, preferably using a high angle trajectory. White phosphorous is a good choice too because you get obscuring smoke to confuse them plus the satisfaction of knowing they are getting burned to s**t. However, it will stink.

In the absence of the Noble Artilleryman (who could bring refinement and sophistication to even a zombie fight), you are forced to employ the tactics of the Brave, but None-Too-Bright Infantryman.

First and foremost, always take the high ground when possible. If you can sit and pick them off from a cliff, building or other high spot, always use that to your advantage. However, the old football analogy about the chicken being involved in breakfast but the pig is committed bears remembering at this point. If they surround you, you are the pig. Literally and figuratively. Always protect your means of egress.

The most basic infantry tactic is to use suppressive fire (translation: shoot like a mofo) while another team works themselves into place to assault the objective. Against the living, this works fairly well because most living people want to stay that way and a s**t load of bullets coming their way is definitely prejudicial to living.

Zombies don't care. They won't keep their heads down. They'll just keep coming at you. The obvious problem here is if you are in a tactically weak position and they get to you before you run out of bullets, you are F'd.

However, suppressive fire as a tactic does have its uses against zombies. Pretend you have two teams. Team A is in a tactically ok position. This means they can hold their own for a while, but will need to exfiltrate if things get too heavy. However, there is a tactically superior position some distance away. Team A can lay down suppressive fire while Team B maneuvers. Team A isn't really suppressing the zombies so much as killing them and keeping their attention while the other team moves.

Once Team B is in position, they can cover Team A's exfiltration, or both teams can commence to shooting because now you have them flanked. A good flanking maneuver is always fun because now the enemy has to deal with fire from two directions instead of one. Makes the whole situation a bit more manageable.

The important thing about choosing another position is the directions of fire for both teams should be perpendicular or close to it whenever possible. If the good idea fairy says he thinks he should take a team behind the horde of zombies so you can attack them from the opposite side too, kill him first because he is a fool. That configuration is stupid. Don't do it.

The question has been raised regarding the use of smoke against zombies. Smoke is a good way to hide what you are doing from the enemy (hopefully to their detriment) or to just confuse the s**t out of them because they can't see what is going on.

Also, smoke coming out of smoke grenades has a very strong smell to it, so it may confuse whatever sense of smell they have. Artillery rounds probably do too, but the author makes it a point to never get close enough to artillery smoke rounds to smell them. It's just bad practice.

The most convenient means of employing smoke is with an M203 Grenade Launcher. If you don't happen to have one, find the person who can throw the farthest and the most accurately. That big dumb dude who claims he was a quarterback when he played high school football may be your only bet.

You will want to place your rounds close enough to the zombies that you can't see them anymore, but your view of the world around you is otherwise unobscured. The smoke screen may take from a few second for grenades to a minute or so for artillery smoke to build. Don't spend much time thinking about this, just move like hell once you can't see the zombies. Best if you can be quiet at this point too. Smoke doesn't do much for hearing.

Another tactic that bears consideration is explosives. You can throw them, drop them or leave them in place until the zombies chance upon it. You can also rig booby traps to protect a position. Explosives and the knowledge to use them is a convenient thing to have. They are highly effective and very entertaining at the same time.

If you can get your hands on some Claymores, do so. Or you can improvise them with a few materials. We won't go into details on improvising claymores here. If you have the materials, particularly the explosives and the knowledge to use them, you'll know what to do. If you have the materials but lack the knowledge, best to leave well enough alone.

There are three important things to remember employing claymores against zombies. First, they should be placed about head level. If you place them low, you'll just have a bunch of zombies with missing legs coming at you. The second thing to remember is the claymore is marked "FRONT TOWARD ENEMY". Point that side at the zombies. The final thing is the claymore does have a back blast area of about 50 meters.

The importance of fire discipline cannot be overstated. If you have a s**t ton of ammo, you will probably be ok for quite some time. However, if ammo is limited or the zombies are many, you'll want to ensure you maintain some degree of awareness over how many rounds you have left.

Whenever possible, employ the one shot, one kill strategy. If you can manage more than one kill per shot, even better.

If you can, change magazines after the last round has been chambered but before it has actually been fired. Sometimes there may be a pause in the action. Check your magazine. If you are down to a few rounds, change out.

If you are using a weapons such as a lever-action rifle, re-load whenever possible. Those two or three rounds you jam in while hiding behind that wall may mean the difference between life and death.

And finally, break contact before you run out of ammo. If you run out of bullets before you run out of zombies and can't exfiltrate, you are F'd.

It pays to plan ahead. Happy hunting. Or defending. Or whatever.

October 26, 2010

Fall has finally really hit us here in the Pacific Northwest. 'Bout time.

The winds picked up yesterday. Aside from a drop in the temperature and a color change for the leaves, the wind is how we know it's official.

Where I am, in lovely Portland, Oregon, the winds come in from the east, down through the Columbia River Gorge. They sweep away what's left over from summer and bring us full on into autumn, heading swiftly toward winter.

We pull on our sweaters, tug our hats down around our ears and wonder where our gloves went after the last time we wore them. We start to settle in for the winter. We eat soup.

This is late October. Welcome.

October 25, 2010

I made the mistake of going to the bookstore today. I was looking for a copy of Irving's Sleepy Hollow. Somehow, I didn't have one. I'm not sure how this happened.

Well, now I have one. And I also have Syrie James' novel Dracula, My Love, which I'm hoping is not a trashy romance. It's supposed to be the secret journals of Mina Murray Harker, one of the main characters in Bram Stoker's Dracula, chronicling her love for both her husband and the Count.

And because I just couldn't help myself, I picked up Dracula: The Un-Dead. I didn't realize until I got it home that it was co-written by the great-grandnephew of Bram himself. It picks up 25 years after the original and follows the story of Mina's son Quincey as he discovers the Dracula story (and his parents' history) for the first time.

It's dangerous to mess with something considered classic. Elizabeth Kostova did fairly well with The Historian, but she did something unique in that she took the Count and reminded us that his history is anything but fiction. And she good tepid reviews.

There's tons of vampire fiction out there right now. The Books of Which We Do Not Speak Because the Vampires Sparkle have sold a bazillion copies (thought the movies continue to get worse). Another little young-adult series, The House of Night, has its eighth book due out in January. I looked briefly at Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I don't know that I'm ready for it. Maybe after I get through the ones I bought today. Variety says the movie's already in pre-production with Tim Burton's name attached to it. What's more October than a vampire movie with a Tim Burton credit?

The vampires once relegated to a couple weeks at the end of October, are everywhere. Year-round, they're everywhere. True Blood, Vampire Diaries, the American remake of "Let the Right Ones In". You can't get away from them.

This all brings me back to where I was twenty years ago. I hadn't yet read Stoker and was just starting to read Anne Rice. I didn't see it coming just yet. I didn't imagine the nights when I would read Dracula on my break at work and then have to run from my car to the house when I got home because I was so freaked out. I didn't foresee my world filling with vampires.

I've been writing them for years now. Quite poorly, mind you, mostly because I haven't ever really put my heart into it. I think I'm finally ready. After all the vamp-schlock that's been unleashed on us over the last, what, five years? I'm ready. And I've got an angle I finally feel good about.

I'm reclaiming the vampires. Watch out, Edward Cullen. I'm coming for you.